Hugging, Comforting And Being There For Your Child Does Not Mean That You Forgive Them, But That You Bring Them Up

Forgiving has nothing to do with comforting your child, attending to their needs, dealing with their fears, or giving them hugs or love. The one who “brings up badly” is the one who ignores his child and leaves them alone. Some parents make the mistake of thinking that a baby’s mind is like an adult’s who understands manipulation or blackmail.

An interesting study of affective intelligence showed that most babies experience mental pain during the day. You have this much more often than physical pain. This is undoubtedly a detail to consider. Children’s emotional suffering has to do with factors such as hunger, fear, or insecurity. So let us comfort them when they cry.

The factors mentioned are instinctive factors that create authentic discomfort. Something that each child will show in their own particular way. Some babies are more demanding than others and for this reason we, as mothers, need to understand the particular situation of every living being. And we know that the one who fulfills needs does not forgive. Offering security and direction is education.

We invite you to grapple with this topic, which is sometimes controversial.

Consoling – the art of understanding needs

When a friend of ours cries, we don’t let him do that until he’s exhausted. When our partner, sister, or father is crying, we don’t leave them in a room until they have recovered. So why should we do this with our children?

Comforting is the extraordinary art of knowing how to identify needs and how to use appropriate nursing strategies to alleviate this psychological or emotional pain. For this reason, sometimes it is not enough to say, “Calm down, it’s all good.” For a young child, the greatest comfort they can get is physical contact and the calm tone of a voice.

It is little things that create authentic impressions in the brain of a maturing baby. Any stimulus, as well as the lack of stimulus, will affect its later development. Read on and discover even more interesting aspects.

The wisdom of education

Terms are important in our language, but sometimes we use popular expressions that denote pathological behaviors for natural processes. For example, it is very possible that you have had to endure similar comments from friends or family when you held your child in your arms for comfort.

“ You forgive it, ” they tell us. We don’t answer because we know it isn’t. We understand that positive reinforcement at the right moment prevents tantrums, reduces stress, and makes our children feel like they are exploring their surroundings at their own pace.

• We know from experience that prolonged and unattended crying has undesirable effects. From a neurological point of view, the cause is that stress develops and high levels of cortisol change the chemistry of neurotransmitters. The fear is increased and a greater need for attention is the result.
• You know ß also that Consoling, hugs and the “existence” improves the relationship with our children. Our children will need this secure bond for the first three years. It is a stage where their vital needs are rather simple but essential. Security, affection, appreciation, and enriching stimuli that promote neural connectivity are important.

A child who is made to cry until they calm down on their own and who doesn’t get hugs or love is a child who builds up a somewhat hostile idea of ​​the world. A scenario in which he is “always waiting for things”, a world in which he sometimes has to defend himself with anger and in which he cannot expect reinforcements from others.

It shouldn’t be like that.

Promote emotional development in order to grow

Emotional upbringing does not only begin when a child is already competent in communication, when we have already established rules and limits and can negotiate rules. An eight month old baby who pulls our hair when they get angry is a person trying to channel their anger and frustration.

• Emotional education begins the first day we put our baby in its cradle upon arrival from the hospital. After birth. We must not forget that the first emotional anchorage begins at birth, with the first skin contact between the baby and its mother.
• Emotional education begins on the first day, breastfeeding, which is a wonderful support for the mother-child bond. It conveys security, calm and well-being. Later, the art of respectful comfort will allow the child to continue growing up in safety.

• Reacting to negative reactions does not mean forgiving the child either. The two-year-old child who throws a toy on the floor in anger, or scratches his sibling or mother, hides a feeling that overwhelms him. It has to learn how to channel, understand and manage this.

The task of understanding emotions and working on them is something that requires patience and intuition. Something we should never overlook “just because the kids are small”. Today’s little things can turn into big problems tomorrow. For this reason, it is necessary that we take care that we care for our children with positive emotions by practicing the art of good parenting .